Individually Equal

A friend of mine was telling me my problem with men is that I do not know my individual worth. She said that the difference between women who get what they want and women who don't is the realization that they have something to offer over other women. That concept completely blows my mind. I do not feel like individualism is something that is all that real. The idea that no one in the world is like you is ridiculous to me. I mean, yes, physically we are all just slightly different than one another, and there are no exact matches. But in terms of meeting and knowing people I do not feel like there is something I can gives someone that they cant get anywhere else. I am not a special snowflake so to speak. I have always felt that way. Maybe that is self-deprecating, but I really don't feel like it is. I don't feel unattractive or ignorant, but I know not everyone is attracted to me. I know there are hundreds of thousands of people that have experienced more and are more aware than I am. I don't feel like there is any characteristic about me that is unique to me and only me.

I also don't feel like you get with people because of some unique factor. I think a lot of it is chemical unbalance and primal signals firing off in your brain. You have no control over any of that. Then on top of it you have your good and bad experiences, your relationship with your parents, and several other possible dysfunctions added to the mix. I think maybe the experiences with that person makes it unique, but not the person in general. I am decent looking, I am reasonably intelligent, and I have a good sense of humor. I have nice hair and decent legs, and I can be supportive. I cook alright, I mean what is so unique about each person? I feel like a lot of the men I have experienced gave me similar things. Comfort, contentment, intimacy, and security. Maybe they delivered those things in different ways or in different quantities, but it was the same give and take. I also don't mean to say that we are all beige. I'm just saying if I went out with 4 different guys of similar age and area they would probably be similar.

Maybe I just don't believe in fated love or the idea of soul mates. It is a lovely thought and I do think you can have a closeness with someone that is truly spiritual. I just don't think you have one designated person to feel that way with. I think you can feel that way with a lot of people. I also don't think that everyone will find that person. So where does that fit into this cosmic coupling? If one person can't find the other are they both lost? It's just not realistic. People marry or don't marry people for all kinds of reasons. One reason doesn't make you happier than another. I think people stay together because they get to a point in their lives where they can accept they want to stay with someone. They want to pick up your dirty socks because at the end of the day they have the security of you being there. You grow to love people. I cant help feeling like I am no better than anyone else. I cant help feeling like regardless of who I am, this is a choice. They have other options. They can get what they get from me from someone else and they have.

I think it is almost conceited to imagine yourself as this original star of sorts. I like being a humble person. I like realizing my flaws and understanding how that affects other people. I think it is romantic that people stay together even though they have better options. That the excitement and infatuation goes away and you still go to the grocery store together and listen to the same stories over and over. I think that is unique. Above all things I think everyone is pretty confused about love and what that is. I don't doubt that I could be wrong, or my views are askew. Absolution in anything is rarely correct especially when it comes to concepts of the heart and mind.