Ships

Things are just different now. We don't get to know each other, we don't talk. We share statistics. We exchange numbers, codes, movie catch phrases. We keep our judgements, our feelings internal. Don't say too much, don't put it all out there. Hell I don't want someone unleashing their real feelings on me. If you are really excited after one date, please don't tell me. Ill probably think you are a clingy stalker. Its fucked up that we cant ever be ourselves, not that anyone knows what that means. I never know when I'm supposed to feel things. When enough time has passed to like someone. What is infatuation, what is love? I don't know. Apparently its all a part of this time frame I know nothing about. They don't teach people these things. We know them, probably from humiliation and rejection, but I was never told how to avoid it. Even further I have no idea when my feelings of rejection are valid or if I'm simply shooting myself in the foot. Avoiding the rejection before someone gets the opportunity. I hate it. I hate that we cant just be sewn up with another person from the get go. We'd hate it if we were I know, but god all of this choice doesn't help anything. I can see myself with just about anyone. Its too hard to decipher what feelings I have are even real much less reciprocated. With all the screen names and beauty shots and bullshit profiles I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. No one wants to say anything real because then who is going to like your status or send you a wink, show you their tits on Skype. Its just gotten too hard to get involved and stay involved. Especially with this generation of endless options the grass is forever greener. There is always competition and honestly I'm not down to fight. Dating is just literally the worst. I like meeting people regardless of whether it works out, but I hate wondering. Its like an obstacle course out there. Weaving emotional land mines, scaling defensive walls. That Love is a Battlefield line is no joke. We are getting blown up and shot down right and left. And I know, I know if I wanted it to be that easy Id marry the next weirdie who showed up. I have my own restrictions to what I'm willing to be happy with. I don't want anyone, I want that one or maybe this one. I want to pick my life partner like my last meal. Picky, choosy, and then finally settling for whatever will agree with me until its lights out. Maybe we like it this way. Maybe it helps you appreciate the person who does finally decide to sit down and take it on with you. Im sure at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you call that lump of caring as long as you trust the other person is carrying around a knot themselves. Who knows. Its all a mystery to me. Relationships have always been the biggest turning screw in my mind. I don't understand them, Ive never had a really good one. Though if I did Id probably be in a grocery store with them instead of writing a blog about it. Oh the woes of ever-changing single life. Almost as equal to the woes of relationship regularity.