Self Control Countdown

Every morning I wake up before my alarm. I count. I count how many minutes till The Yeah Yeah Yeahs will tell me its time to get out of bed, how many minutes it takes to get ready for work, to wake Todd up, to make the coffee. It takes 15 minutes to get to work, five to get there, ten to catch the elevator and clock in five minutes early. I watch the clock all day waiting for breaks, watching the hour run down for lunch, watching how much time I'm on the phone, keeping track of stats, and finally waiting for 7:30 so I can take 2 minutes to walk down the hall, clock out, and go home. I count down my paychecks before I even get them. Averaging my total hours, subtracting taxes, budgeting bills I haven't seen. When I'm at people's houses I am averaging how much time I will spend there depending on the situation. How many hours of sleep I can get away with, how much more I need to put into savings to make the next purchase. Walking through the grocery store I count up everything I put in the cart to make sure I have enough when I get to the register. I am constantly trying to prepare for every second of every day. I think it is my only way of keeping control. Seeing as I have no control over anything else. Oddly I think I did this to myself on purpose. I like Todd because he is predictably unpredictable. He never looks at you the same twice. Sometimes I catch myself realizing he's the same person I met two years ago and I can't make myself believe it. He is ever-changing which is maddening, but if he weren't we would never have been together this long. I think I like that he makes me crazy, that I have no idea how to communicate with his planet sometimes. I think he likes it too. If he didn't I cannot understand why he would continue to be with me. I think people like problems because it is something to solve. It is something to work out, and you can see the product of your efforts, good or bad. I like working things out and molding it into something better, more efficient. Not that it always happens that way, but I think it is a good thing to experience with another person. Maybe I just like being difficult. That is equally as possible. In fact it is probably the truth.